Bad Album Covers
One of my co-workers passed around an email called "The Worst Album Covers. Ever." Like always, I want to give some commentary, so here I go.
1) John Bult. Julie's 16th Birthday.
When I saw this, I thought it was a father celebrating his daughter's 16th birthday. How naive of me - I hope I never have daughters!
If you look at this album cover, you figure this was made about the late 1970's. Think about what songs were popular then. "Christine 16" by KISS. A decade later, Winger's (yeech) "Seventeen". What is meant by "Julie's 16th Birthday" is really the age of consent.
One commentator stated "This one disturbs deeply. Mr. Bult is obviously an alcoholic child molester. The hat, half-empty beer and cigarette add that "special something" that makes me want to crawl into the fetal position and cry like a little boy. " Another stated "Why do I see Julie's father outside, about to bust in with a shotgun?..."
Around this time, it was acceptable for men to talk about having sex with 16 year olds. This is because the media was monopolized by perverted sickos. Of course, the media monopoly has been broken within the last ten years, so any ordinary Joe can come on board, one who is nowhere near as perverted as a musician, and give his comments to denounce John Bult.
I doubt that if John Bult ever went to prison he would be someone's bitch. But I can guarantee he would be extremely unpopular there.
2) Cody Matherson - Can I borrow a Feeling?
Approximately early 1980's.
Some dude with bad fashion ideas. People thought this was "cool". Here are what some commentators say about this one:
"Cody, Cody, Cody. Man you must have been huge in the trailer parks. All I have to say is sure Cody you can borrow a feelin'"
"And, I'll shamelessly admit that Cody Matherson, who appears as #1 on their [http://www.heavy.com/diesel2/2/] list, looks like several of the guys who went to my high school."
"Can I Borrow a Feelin’?” asks Cody Matherson. Not from me, Cody. ..."
"...cross eyed Cody Matherson, I've got a feelin' you can borrow. It's called pain"
3) Millie Jackson - ESP "Extra Sexual Perception"
Circa 1980
While I was able to locate those comments from a Google search, I really couldn't find anything regarding her. I did find out that she has her own article on Wikipedia.
From what I can tell, she gloried in gettin' around. And she certainly likes to goofingly show her breasts. Of course, now we think about how goofy this is. I guess that we have gotten somewhat more puritan over the last 15 years, too. Hell, there is even rock song about kissing on the first date - done today. And the guy sings like he is some kind of badass or something. And the record companies are trying to push this song - to people who grew up with much, much dirtier lyrics. And the music isn't even that good. Maybe that artist will also end up in the collection, too.
4) Orleans - Waking and Dreaming.
From 1976.
Difficult to find on Google Search. Maybe shoud've tried dogpile.com. But they do appear on Wikipedia. Classified as a "soft-rock" band (an oxymoron if I have ever heard of one).
Disappointingly, this album has a song that has been immortalized by morphing itself into commercial jingles "Still the one". Yuck.
Now, another change can be indicated. They are all shirtless. At least all they are showing. Thank God the photographer did not show anything below the belly button. In any case, 30 years ago, it was acceptable for men to run around with their shirts off when it was too hot. Now, only acceptable at the beach and the swimming pool. In fact, a couple of weeks ago, a local talk-show host, Brian Suits, asked the rhetorical question "why is it that every time it gets hot in Seattle, some man has to go around with his shirt off?" And usually, it is one man, too. Just today, I went to the Bite of Seattle, and saw one man, and only one man, walk around with his shirt off. Someone much older than I. And he looked pretty disgusting, too.
5) Tino. (Something in Spanish).
Circa late 1970's?
Any normal person should have a problem when a man wears an Izon polo shirt, short-shorts, striped sports socks, and lays on the ground with his legs way open to reveal his crouch. Unfortunately, I can't tell if anything is there! This is a position announcing "I'm easy". Well so are many men. However, many "easy men" have an awfully hard time getting some - and he is probably no exception.
This was acceptable in 1979, but today, hahahahahahahahahahahaha. The question is, if you are Tino, how are you going to explain this to your kids?
6) A few Christian album covers.
There are over 200 of these bad album covers, see www.heavy.com/diesel2. The ones that made the cut on my email, which had 19 covers. Many of them were from Christian Groups, which means the person who picked them might have a slight anti-Christian bias. Nonetheless, they are still pretty bad.
Here is a sample:
The only thing these two groups are guilty of are a. Bad fashion, b. Bad titles, and c. Bad music (most probably). One guy talked about how he had to wear those exact Country Church clothes when he wa
s in elementary school. Unfortunately, some of our mothers had horrible taste, mine included, and thought their kids look cute in plaid pants. I found some pictures of me, and while I do not like to burn things, I buried those pictures deep, deep away. No wonder why I absolutely hated going clothes shopping before high school (so did most boys of my generation).
Here are a couple that deserve some infamy, though.
Let me touch him? And this is the faction in our society that vehemently opposes gay marriage?
Louvin Brothers - Satan is Real
Circa 1961? I think they also have a Wikipedia entry. Unable to find commentary on Google. But this has to be the goofiest of them all.
For those who hope to make it to heaven, here are two formally dressed men who are joyously singing while in hell. And the Satan image, he's smiling! Satan doesn't look threatening, he looks just as goofy!
Tells you that some people need to put more thought into their art.
7) Joyce
Sometime in the 1970's?
While doing a Google search, I found out about a Brazilian singer named Joyce, whose first album was 1968. I thought to myself "aren't Brazilian chicks supposed to be hot?" Then I went to her website, and discovered that the famous Joyce is actually quite hot, and that that Joyce is not this Joyce.
In any case, we have a case of bad fashion, bad hair, and ugly glasses. Which make her even more butt-ugly than she actually is. I just read a book about something, and one guy noted that such a hairstyles makes him think of pubic hair! Well, doesn't it?
The best commentary about this is the 50 cent price tag at the top. Probably even this is vastly overpriced.
8) All My Friend Are Dead.
Who knows the date - and who cares?
To tell you the truth, I am getting tired of doing all this pasting into my blog, so I shall stop soon.
Now, the title in itself is quite laughable. And he is trying to be serious? Man man man...
While doing my search, I discovered I am not the first to make fun of all these bozos. There are others. For example, check this link out:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=4222484fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=4222484fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=4222484
People of all stripes of life like to devote blog pages to making fun of them. And why not? It's fund to point fingers sometimes.
So, what is the lesson. I saw there are a few. 1) America has gotten more puritan. Try some of these themes today, and see whether or not the cops show up at your door - or you get laughed while you go down the street. 2) Try to be conscious of what you wear. Today's "in" clothing will be tomorrow's silly picture. Unfortunately, some designers need jobs, so the constantly need to change our fashion.
1) John Bult. Julie's 16th Birthday.
When I saw this, I thought it was a father celebrating his daughter's 16th birthday. How naive of me - I hope I never have daughters!
If you look at this album cover, you figure this was made about the late 1970's. Think about what songs were popular then. "Christine 16" by KISS. A decade later, Winger's (yeech) "Seventeen". What is meant by "Julie's 16th Birthday" is really the age of consent.
One commentator stated "This one disturbs deeply. Mr. Bult is obviously an alcoholic child molester. The hat, half-empty beer and cigarette add that "special something" that makes me want to crawl into the fetal position and cry like a little boy. " Another stated "Why do I see Julie's father outside, about to bust in with a shotgun?..."
Around this time, it was acceptable for men to talk about having sex with 16 year olds. This is because the media was monopolized by perverted sickos. Of course, the media monopoly has been broken within the last ten years, so any ordinary Joe can come on board, one who is nowhere near as perverted as a musician, and give his comments to denounce John Bult.
I doubt that if John Bult ever went to prison he would be someone's bitch. But I can guarantee he would be extremely unpopular there.
2) Cody Matherson - Can I borrow a Feeling?
Approximately early 1980's.
Some dude with bad fashion ideas. People thought this was "cool". Here are what some commentators say about this one:
"Cody, Cody, Cody. Man you must have been huge in the trailer parks. All I have to say is sure Cody you can borrow a feelin'"
"And, I'll shamelessly admit that Cody Matherson, who appears as #1 on their [http://www.heavy.com/diesel2/2/] list, looks like several of the guys who went to my high school."
"Can I Borrow a Feelin’?” asks Cody Matherson. Not from me, Cody. ..."
"...cross eyed Cody Matherson, I've got a feelin' you can borrow. It's called pain"
3) Millie Jackson - ESP "Extra Sexual Perception"
Circa 1980
While I was able to locate those comments from a Google search, I really couldn't find anything regarding her. I did find out that she has her own article on Wikipedia.
From what I can tell, she gloried in gettin' around. And she certainly likes to goofingly show her breasts. Of course, now we think about how goofy this is. I guess that we have gotten somewhat more puritan over the last 15 years, too. Hell, there is even rock song about kissing on the first date - done today. And the guy sings like he is some kind of badass or something. And the record companies are trying to push this song - to people who grew up with much, much dirtier lyrics. And the music isn't even that good. Maybe that artist will also end up in the collection, too.
4) Orleans - Waking and Dreaming.
From 1976.
Difficult to find on Google Search. Maybe shoud've tried dogpile.com. But they do appear on Wikipedia. Classified as a "soft-rock" band (an oxymoron if I have ever heard of one).Disappointingly, this album has a song that has been immortalized by morphing itself into commercial jingles "Still the one". Yuck.
Now, another change can be indicated. They are all shirtless. At least all they are showing. Thank God the photographer did not show anything below the belly button. In any case, 30 years ago, it was acceptable for men to run around with their shirts off when it was too hot. Now, only acceptable at the beach and the swimming pool. In fact, a couple of weeks ago, a local talk-show host, Brian Suits, asked the rhetorical question "why is it that every time it gets hot in Seattle, some man has to go around with his shirt off?" And usually, it is one man, too. Just today, I went to the Bite of Seattle, and saw one man, and only one man, walk around with his shirt off. Someone much older than I. And he looked pretty disgusting, too.
5) Tino. (Something in Spanish).
Circa late 1970's?
Any normal person should have a problem when a man wears an Izon polo shirt, short-shorts, striped sports socks, and lays on the ground with his legs way open to reveal his crouch. Unfortunately, I can't tell if anything is there! This is a position announcing "I'm easy". Well so are many men. However, many "easy men" have an awfully hard time getting some - and he is probably no exception.This was acceptable in 1979, but today, hahahahahahahahahahahaha. The question is, if you are Tino, how are you going to explain this to your kids?
6) A few Christian album covers.
There are over 200 of these bad album covers, see www.heavy.com/diesel2. The ones that made the cut on my email, which had 19 covers. Many of them were from Christian Groups, which means the person who picked them might have a slight anti-Christian bias. Nonetheless, they are still pretty bad.
Here is a sample:
The only thing these two groups are guilty of are a. Bad fashion, b. Bad titles, and c. Bad music (most probably). One guy talked about how he had to wear those exact Country Church clothes when he wa
s in elementary school. Unfortunately, some of our mothers had horrible taste, mine included, and thought their kids look cute in plaid pants. I found some pictures of me, and while I do not like to burn things, I buried those pictures deep, deep away. No wonder why I absolutely hated going clothes shopping before high school (so did most boys of my generation).Here are a couple that deserve some infamy, though.
Let me touch him? And this is the faction in our society that vehemently opposes gay marriage?Louvin Brothers - Satan is Real
Circa 1961? I think they also have a Wikipedia entry. Unable to find commentary on Google. But this has to be the goofiest of them all.
For those who hope to make it to heaven, here are two formally dressed men who are joyously singing while in hell. And the Satan image, he's smiling! Satan doesn't look threatening, he looks just as goofy!
Tells you that some people need to put more thought into their art.
7) Joyce
Sometime in the 1970's?
While doing a Google search, I found out about a Brazilian singer named Joyce, whose first album was 1968. I thought to myself "aren't Brazilian chicks supposed to be hot?" Then I went to her website, and discovered that the famous Joyce is actually quite hot, and that that Joyce is not this Joyce.
In any case, we have a case of bad fashion, bad hair, and ugly glasses. Which make her even more butt-ugly than she actually is. I just read a book about something, and one guy noted that such a hairstyles makes him think of pubic hair! Well, doesn't it?
The best commentary about this is the 50 cent price tag at the top. Probably even this is vastly overpriced.
8) All My Friend Are Dead.
Who knows the date - and who cares?
To tell you the truth, I am getting tired of doing all this pasting into my blog, so I shall stop soon.Now, the title in itself is quite laughable. And he is trying to be serious? Man man man...
While doing my search, I discovered I am not the first to make fun of all these bozos. There are others. For example, check this link out:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=4222484fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=4222484fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=4222484
People of all stripes of life like to devote blog pages to making fun of them. And why not? It's fund to point fingers sometimes.
So, what is the lesson. I saw there are a few. 1) America has gotten more puritan. Try some of these themes today, and see whether or not the cops show up at your door - or you get laughed while you go down the street. 2) Try to be conscious of what you wear. Today's "in" clothing will be tomorrow's silly picture. Unfortunately, some designers need jobs, so the constantly need to change our fashion.
posted by EricMatthew at 8:23 PM
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