The Adventures of Roger Bond and His Son James - Act IV

In our last act, rather than go to the orient to foil Japanese plans to take over Manchuria, Roger Bond got on Joseph Kennedy's whisky ship and sailed for America. He became a marketing agent for Mr. Kennedy, Mr. Kennedy got the secret plans, and His Majesty's government sent his son James to America to find his father.

Upon arrival in America, James heads immediately to the stock exchange to look for Mr. Kennedy, as he suspects that Mr. Kennedy spends much of his day shorting stocks. Which is where he finds him, and which is what he was doing. He surreptipously (sp) follows Mr. Kennedy to his home, tagged along of course by Francis and Neville.

They merely knock on the door, and are greeted by Mr. Kennedy's son, John. James says "I'm James Bond, how do you do?" John takes them up to Mr. Kennedy's study.

James describes who he is, and that he needs to bring his father home, because his government needs him to help foil J.P. Morgan loans. Joseph lets out a big chuckle, wishing that were true, but knowing it was not. However, Joseph has discovered that he now has the best marketing agent ever working for him (since Roger is such an expert in the product), and does not want to lose Roger. Nor does Roger want to quit working, since he gets a lot of free samples of the product. Plus, Joseph wants to have "peace in our time" or something like that, and does not want to give away the secret plans.

Joseph decides to send James on a whirlwind tour of America. Well, of the speakeasies carrying his whisky. He orders his son John to show him around, since they are close in age.

So they go to the first speakeasy, in New York City. When asked for a drink, he looks at the drink menu, and decides to try a martini. "Shaken or stirred?" James states "It doesn't matter to me."

James then decides to look for his father. But he also sees all the attractive women there too. James decides he wants one of them. So he hits on one of them. Then another. Then another. Then another. It gets embarrasing, not only for Frank and Neville, but for John, too.

So John takes James aside and states "you ahre a disaster with wimen. You need to take lessins from me." James asks "but you are three years younger than me, what can you instruct me?" Well, plenty. As we know from history, John could teach many a man about how to pick up women.

So for the next five nights, John teaches James his techniques. Also to cut out his stupid introduction line "I'm James Bond, how do you do?" He asks James to think of another line.

Then Neville and Frank get anxious, for James is wasting precious time. Frank pulls out a .45, sticks it in James' face, and tells him that he needs to get Joseph to reveal his whereabouts. So James asks John to help him, and John takes him back home.

When they get to the Kennedy home, they go into Joseph's den. James, unsuavely, orders Joseph to tell him where his father Roger is located at, and to stop playing games. For Joseph, this is a hard habit to break, and would continue on as Ambassador, and throughout his childrens' careers. He merely laughs at him, and (lyingly) tells him he does not exactly know where Roger is. Which is difficult since Roger calls daily for status reports. Frank pulls out a .45, and Neville pulls out a Tommy gun (both easily purchased at the hardware store, which was easy before the passage of the 1930's gun-control act). He hears two click, and fearing oblivion, decides to talk.

He mentions that Roger is working some speakeasies in Atlanta, and will soon be heading to Florida. He gives him the location of each speakeasy, and his number. However, he needs to stop of at Kligore's lab in Pennsylvania, to pick something up, then go to Florida.

So they get on a train. Somewhere in Pennsylvania, they go to Kligore's lab. It is a dark, cold, and stormy night. Typical cliche. Thunder and lightening go off in the laboratory. They hear screams of "it's alive, it's alive."

Actually, Kligore is glad one of his plants in the hanging basket did not die. They ring the bell, giving off a bizzare sound. The butler answers the door, states "coooomeee innn..."

Kligore greets him. He gives John a secret package to give to his father. However, when walking thru the laboratory, which has wet, slick stuff on the floor, John has a slip-and-fall accident and injures his back. Kligore gives him something to drink to cure it, and John feels really really good for a while.

Kligore observes that James is really acting goofy. He tells James "you need to be more suave. Much, much more suave." He pulls out a test tube, which is bubbly, for James to drink. He does. James does not feel as ackward. Then he realizes that James needs some acrobatic skills, and gives him something else that is bubbly to drink. James gulps it, and feels much more agile. James asks if there is something that will make him more successful with women, too, but Kligore states that he just ran out of that substance.

John, James, Frank, and Neville all now get on the train to Florida. They go straight to Miami to make sure they meet Roger there. And they go to a speakeasy connected with John's father.

While there, James wants a drink. He decides on a martini. The bartender asks how he wants it. James states "it doesn't matter." At which point a gorgeous woman, in her early twenties, with a slight tan, blond hair, blue eyes, a perfect figure, states "it is better to have it shaken, not stirred." She introduces herself as Cotifiqua, a Cherokee princess (alright,the Cherokee were not in Florida, but follow this for the story line). She asks James' name, he goes "Bond, James Bond."

James takes a liking for her. He get excited! After a while, he has to excuse himself.

He asks John how he is doing. John says that he is following everything he taught him, not to worry, and he is doing quite well. James returns.

She asks James to "come home to my place." James quite naturally agrees. So they leave the speakeasy (followed closely by Neville, Frank, and John, albeit hidden.)

Cotifiqua and James engage in a night of passion. And they frolicke in the fountain in the back yard. Then more passion. All three watch with great interest. Then as James is about to depart, Cotifiqua states she needs to speak to James.

"I am a woman of great prophecy. I can predict that you will be a great hero. You will save the world, and mankind, several times over.

"What were in last night was the great fountain of youth. The thing of legends. You need to come back every year, and starting about age 30, you will maintain your youth for as long as you want it. For women, they maintain their youth from their 20's onward.

"Let me warn you, however, that there are side effects. Your hair and eyes could change color, and maybe your skin. And your body might change, too. It has for me."

James asks "so just how old are you?" She answers "I am 800 years old. (James is slighly surprised that his first time was with someone so old) I remember when the conquistidors came thru and decimated my people. Fortunately, the fountain of youth also cures against all infectuous diseases. However, only special people may use the fountain of youth, those who will ultimately save mankind. Those who seek ambition and power, and who go into the waters of the fountain, will seek an early, violent death."

At which point, John, Neville, and Frank, listening intently from a terrace above the fountain, suddenly fall in. And Cotifiqua proclaims "You three are no exceptions!"

She then states "So long James, and I hope to see you every year!" and she goes inside.

"Who was that?" Asks John. "Never mind" James states whistfully.

All three then decide to go back into Miami, so they can locate Roger Bond. And the next leg of our journey begins.