Roger Bond and His Son James - Act II
Since James Bond been the same age for 60 years, and his hair changes color, too (and he changes his looks) we need to explain how he got that way - in otherwords, a prelude. Since this is a popular Hollywood thing these days.
In the first part, we discovered how a Roger Bond - a relative of Winston Churchill - basically screwed up the battle of Gallipoli, hence lengthenthing "The Great War" which resulted in the beginning of the end for Western Civilization. For this act of munificence, he was given a desk job buried deep, deep away.
It it now 1931. He has been hacking away at some hidden location for fifteen years. Few people know where.
In the meantime, the British Empire is being threatened. That is because since is so huge, any action anywhere around the globe is a threat. They discovered that their ally, Japan, plans to take over Manchuria, as a prelude to taking over China. This could threaten India. Any threat to India is what drove many a British war in the 18th and 19th centuries. So why stop now?
This sounds like many a far fetched James Bond movie where some evil genius plans to do some action to take over the world. However, taking control of China is exactly what Japan had in mind. That is why it was so mad at Versailles.
The British can easily thwart this, and by keeping their friendship with Japan, by giving the Japanese the "secret routes of Manchuria." However, these "secret routes" lead into the Soviet Union, roads where they are easily exposed and can easily be picked off as invading forces. The British have created secret, underground laboratories somewhere (another Bond cliche) that create such electromagnetic forces that all instruments go whacko, do not work, and the invading force has no clue where it is at. Ok, this sounds really cheesy, but I have to think of something to get my story going.
The British War Department has also created plans as to the easiest way into Manchuria. All military staffs have plans for every conceivable war - the US had one against the British Empire in 1931, and probably still has one against Russia today.
Both these plans are sitting in files next to each other. One day, they bring in a couple of intelligence men (spies). One of them is that guy who is James Bond's boss in several of the movies - I forget his name.
They discuss their concern about Japanese plans to take over Manchuria - they even know about naming it Manchukuo (however it was spelled). While it is difficult for the Japanese to take over, they can easily do it if they have the right plans, or if they really have good intelligence about all operations (as the British Secret service believes they do not). However, to make sure they do not suceed, they need to give the Japanese the fake plans.
There are dire consequences mentioned. About how Japan could not only threaten India, but Australia, Burma, Indochina, the rest of the Pacific, the Soviet Union, even possibly invading the United States (all this happened, although the United States was only attacked in Alaska). They talk about secret Japanese attack method - the Kamikaze. At which point one of the intelligence men pipes us "So, do you think that someday, people will use airplanes to crash into the tallest buildings in New York City?" "Well, this will never happen against civilians, but the threats are very real."
They need to find some useless, incompetent bureaucrat to carry out the mission. They can only think of one man - Roger Bond. Sure, in case he gets killed, they have to explain it to his son in Eton, but he will probably understand that his father died for the glory of the King.
So they decide to locate him. That is the problem - he is so much forgotten, buried so far deep in the bowels of some bureacratic office in London, they may never locate him. Besides, he gets to do all the dumb, harmless tasks that no one else wants to touch, and stuff that can easily be explained as "bureaucratic inertia" as why stuff moves incredibly slowly. Not much work comes out of his office, so no one knows if he even comes to work anymore (but somehow paychecks keep coming to his residence).
After some time of searching, they find his office in a dark, dingy part of London. They open the door, and at first see nothing but mounds and mounds of paperwork in the inbox. Only a few letters in the outbox. Behind the desk, taking a swig from his flask, is the man, Roger Bond.
They ask him how he likes his job. He says that he would like more "action." They state that as members of the secret service, they can get him more "action." He jumps for joy, yells out "oh jolly jolly" (whatever upper class Englishmen scream out when they are excited), and they take him down to the secret service office.
While there, the plan is explained in detail. However, since he is known to be such a drunk, they do not tell him about the real mission. Instead, they tell him about how they wish to continue good relations with the Japanese, and would like to do joint military operations sometime. They want to send an emissary over with the letter. However, rather than give it to Emperor Hirohito, they would rather give it to the Japanese Military Attache (who really has power). Since he is such an upstanding (he he) member of the British hieriarchy, they would like him to carry the letter. Furthermore, they provide a steamer ticket to go to China. He thanks them very much, grabs a folder off of the desk, and leaves to go home to pack. After all, he has to look his very best as an official of the British government, and needs to bring his very best clothes. And he needs to shave, shower, etc. every day so he looks good. And he needs to be fully rested to be on his best behavior.
With that, we will move to the next act.
In the first part, we discovered how a Roger Bond - a relative of Winston Churchill - basically screwed up the battle of Gallipoli, hence lengthenthing "The Great War" which resulted in the beginning of the end for Western Civilization. For this act of munificence, he was given a desk job buried deep, deep away.
It it now 1931. He has been hacking away at some hidden location for fifteen years. Few people know where.
In the meantime, the British Empire is being threatened. That is because since is so huge, any action anywhere around the globe is a threat. They discovered that their ally, Japan, plans to take over Manchuria, as a prelude to taking over China. This could threaten India. Any threat to India is what drove many a British war in the 18th and 19th centuries. So why stop now?
This sounds like many a far fetched James Bond movie where some evil genius plans to do some action to take over the world. However, taking control of China is exactly what Japan had in mind. That is why it was so mad at Versailles.
The British can easily thwart this, and by keeping their friendship with Japan, by giving the Japanese the "secret routes of Manchuria." However, these "secret routes" lead into the Soviet Union, roads where they are easily exposed and can easily be picked off as invading forces. The British have created secret, underground laboratories somewhere (another Bond cliche) that create such electromagnetic forces that all instruments go whacko, do not work, and the invading force has no clue where it is at. Ok, this sounds really cheesy, but I have to think of something to get my story going.
The British War Department has also created plans as to the easiest way into Manchuria. All military staffs have plans for every conceivable war - the US had one against the British Empire in 1931, and probably still has one against Russia today.
Both these plans are sitting in files next to each other. One day, they bring in a couple of intelligence men (spies). One of them is that guy who is James Bond's boss in several of the movies - I forget his name.
They discuss their concern about Japanese plans to take over Manchuria - they even know about naming it Manchukuo (however it was spelled). While it is difficult for the Japanese to take over, they can easily do it if they have the right plans, or if they really have good intelligence about all operations (as the British Secret service believes they do not). However, to make sure they do not suceed, they need to give the Japanese the fake plans.
There are dire consequences mentioned. About how Japan could not only threaten India, but Australia, Burma, Indochina, the rest of the Pacific, the Soviet Union, even possibly invading the United States (all this happened, although the United States was only attacked in Alaska). They talk about secret Japanese attack method - the Kamikaze. At which point one of the intelligence men pipes us "So, do you think that someday, people will use airplanes to crash into the tallest buildings in New York City?" "Well, this will never happen against civilians, but the threats are very real."
They need to find some useless, incompetent bureaucrat to carry out the mission. They can only think of one man - Roger Bond. Sure, in case he gets killed, they have to explain it to his son in Eton, but he will probably understand that his father died for the glory of the King.
So they decide to locate him. That is the problem - he is so much forgotten, buried so far deep in the bowels of some bureacratic office in London, they may never locate him. Besides, he gets to do all the dumb, harmless tasks that no one else wants to touch, and stuff that can easily be explained as "bureaucratic inertia" as why stuff moves incredibly slowly. Not much work comes out of his office, so no one knows if he even comes to work anymore (but somehow paychecks keep coming to his residence).
After some time of searching, they find his office in a dark, dingy part of London. They open the door, and at first see nothing but mounds and mounds of paperwork in the inbox. Only a few letters in the outbox. Behind the desk, taking a swig from his flask, is the man, Roger Bond.
They ask him how he likes his job. He says that he would like more "action." They state that as members of the secret service, they can get him more "action." He jumps for joy, yells out "oh jolly jolly" (whatever upper class Englishmen scream out when they are excited), and they take him down to the secret service office.
While there, the plan is explained in detail. However, since he is known to be such a drunk, they do not tell him about the real mission. Instead, they tell him about how they wish to continue good relations with the Japanese, and would like to do joint military operations sometime. They want to send an emissary over with the letter. However, rather than give it to Emperor Hirohito, they would rather give it to the Japanese Military Attache (who really has power). Since he is such an upstanding (he he) member of the British hieriarchy, they would like him to carry the letter. Furthermore, they provide a steamer ticket to go to China. He thanks them very much, grabs a folder off of the desk, and leaves to go home to pack. After all, he has to look his very best as an official of the British government, and needs to bring his very best clothes. And he needs to shave, shower, etc. every day so he looks good. And he needs to be fully rested to be on his best behavior.
With that, we will move to the next act.
posted by EricMatthew at 11:19 PM
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