The story of Halloween - Chapter IV

If you are over 50, I ask you - remember all those Halloween parties you attended when you were in your 20's? And all the ghoulish get-up you decorated your house with?

You will say, "No. I remember trick-or-treating when I was 10, though." I have spoken with several people who are a generation older than me, and they do not remember Halloween being this big a deal when they were my age.

Welcome to today. There was an article today about how Halloween is now big business. Approximately $3 billion is generated in Halloween sales. And most of those sales are spent by people in their 20's and 30's, who really get creepy.

I once did quite a get-up for Halloween, too. When I was in my teen years, my next-door neighbor, who was an audiophile, and an electonics expert (now I believe he is an Intel executive), ran the sound and lighting, at my parents house. I was responsible for the decorations. I did a pretty good job decorating, and I could be quite realistic. He did a good job with the sounds and the lights - especially since we had the 6' speakers from our high school (these were returned years later). Then we would buy the creepiest tapes (later cd's). It was quite frightening, as many kids were afraid to come to our house. Parents complained. As I am a member of Gen X, I did this until ten years ago (remember, many kids today take a longgg time to move out). Then he moved away, and I did too.

We were state-of-the-art in Halloween displays, at the time - just like I had a state-of-the-art stereo system for my car in high school. I think the kids of today can do just as well, however, given the technology. They would have to spend a lot of money on decorations, however, as I do not think there are many people as creative as I am (I did a lot of the artsy stuff). I could not do it at my house, however, as it is a corner house with a lot of street lights by it.

However, today, it is people of my age group and below who really get into Halloween. Some people in my neighborhood (which consists of young familys) really deck their house out for Halloween. However, those are more cutsy, than gory, decorations (I would do the latter if I did it).

A generation ago, Halloween would have meant nothing for the adults of my age if they were single. If they had kids, their kids costumes would have been the focus, as well as the school activities. In many ways, the adults of prior generations were more mature than today.

So what happened? I think I have an explanation.

There is a book by a many named Ron Baum about the Coors family. You know, the ones who make the really yummy beer. As Mr. Baum is a leftist, he takes a lot of time bashing them - especially when Joe discovers conservatism.

Because the Coors took so many controversial positions, and because they were predominately anti-union, a lot of groups boycotted their product. In fact, there is a residual of this boycott today, as many bars in liberal cities do not serve this major-label beer. In addition, the Coors family had a lot of antiquated notions about running businesses. As a result of these two factors, Coors was an extremely poorly run company.

One of the antiquated notions the Coors operated on was that they did not need to advertise. And why not? After prohibition ended, their beer was so good, people bought it in huge quantities in the states where it was sold. Advertising was a waste of money. However, in the early 1970's, the major breweries really got going on their advertising. A billboard or a bar sign just would not do. Hence, you know why beer commercials are some of the most dominant, and most memorable, on TV, as they in themselves often serve as entertainment (a lot of people watch the Superbowl just to watch the commercials!)

In addition, the labels would go into other aspects of American life. For big example, Budweiser took on practically every major sport. Other labels would have to find some other avenue.

Coors got into the advertising game late. And they needed to generate sales, to make up for those which were lost due to boycotts. So they needed to lay claim to something. How about a holiday?

And which one did they pick? Halloween! Remember, Elvira, the mistress of the dark? That really hot munster-looking character? She was used to sell beer in the later 1980's.

They were successful. Too successful. Because young adults, those to whom beer is marketed, started to think of Halloween and mix it with good times. So the boom of Halloween parties.

This was too successful in that a lot of anti-alcohol groups got mad at Coors for making a kiddie Holiday into a drunk fest. So they boycotted Coors, too. Oh wait - they already were boycotting all beer companies already. That is what happens when you are really miserable - you want to make life rotten for everyone else, too.

Now, there are other factors, too, that contributed to to making Halloween a popular holiday. The goth subculture has this as their supreme day. But, people who do not subscribe to subcultures do not follow the tastes of eccentrics. Instead, they are interested in a. sex b. good times and c. getting plastered. By implication, this is what Coors did.

So, by the time I got to college in 1989, Halloween was another excuse to party (and my the first time I got horribly sick from being drunk!). However, probably these two elements merged together, to go outside the party sector and into other aspects of people's lives.

Thus, my company has an activities committee, and they really decked out our lobby with Halloween decorations - not with pumpkins, but with gore. And we are an insurance company! And a lot of companies have some kind of Halloween events - like at school 20 or 30 years ago.
Halloween is now one of those unofficial holidays that everyone celebrates, like St. Patrick's day.

Some people write the story of Christmas, meaning how Christmas traditions evolved over 2000 years. Hence, I write this piece to show how Halloween became a major Holidays, but you won't get the first 3 chapters.

My lesson? If you like the fact that you party on Halloween, thank a conservative!!!

The "Holidays"

I am a member of an organization called the Grange. Some of you may have heard of it, some of you may not have. It is essentially a fraternal organization, devoted to farmers, that has a charitable element, a community service element, a social element, and a political element. While I got involved in it at work, it is the latter that got me going.

Our Grange, in the Sammamish Valley, was dying, like the vast proportion of fraternal chapters are doing. Until one of our infrequent members suggest we get involved with a "Heritage Garden" (since then he has become quite active). That got a whole bunch of new members involved, and we have re-oriented ourselves, and we now have a focus. I think we will survive.

I will discuss the latter in a future post. One of the things we got involved in was a Sammamish Valley Rural Alliance, or something like that. Kind of like a chamber of commerce for all those who have some kind of interest in preserving a rural character to the area. This fits with our goals.

One thing that has been suggested is we hold some kind of quarterly event - mainly, a quarterly dinner for all members involved. One of the other suggestions was to have soltise party December 22 - a few members, myself included said we would have a problem is any pagan elements were involved, as we do not want to compromise our Christian beliefs. We were assured of that.

One other problem I had was that it is in the depth of "The Holidays." There is too much going on to have a major event, and have people come. I suggested that we have soltise/equinox parties four times a year (of course, eliminating any pagan elements associated with them) and in addition, have a quarterly dinner. I suggested moving the event closer to late January. It was tacitly agreed to go along with my plan.

Now that I think of it, I have another reason for it. Our society lacks in interpersonal relations. People do not see enough of one another. They stick by their media devices too much, especially too many of the young. Sociological studies indicate that people who do not engage in this kind of activity are also much less inclined to take part in participation in our republic. Citizen participation is one of the founding blocks of our republic. So extremists tend to take over the process. Don't ask me to quote the studies, I just know they're there. OK - I can get the book, if demanded, and pull some stats out of it (and not a book written by anyone with an ideological bent, either).

In early America, there was no "The Holidays." Especially in New England. Christmas was associated with the god Mithros. This changed after the civil war, and it was seen as important to celebrate the birth of Christ.

While this started as a day, over time, "The Holidays" stretched out from Thanksgiving to New Years Day. That gives a month.

However, in old European tradition, since crops did not grow, and most people were agricultural, winter time was seen as a festive time, and a time to visit one another. While I do not like importing things from that socialist continent, I think this is something we should bring back.

Right now, there are two unofficial holidays - de facto holidays - that can frame the season. October 31 is Halloween. Most kids celebrate that, and more adults do, too. And, in the last 40 years, thanks to the National Football League, there is Super Bowl Sunday, in late January-early February. Sure, there are other de-facto holidays around that time, like Columbus day, Veterans day, and MLK day, and President's Day, but no one really celebrates those (and in fact, I have thought it would be a good idea to move MLK day to his baptismal day, because, after all, he was a minister, and keeping it so close to Christmas means that people balk when having that day off too, with too long without a break in between that day and Memorial Day; that way, more people might insist on having MLK day off). Instead, those are shopping days.

Thus, my suggestion would be to make "The Holidays" start on Halloween, and end on Super Bowl Sunday. We can add some unofficial holidays in November and in January - like move Kwanza to around November 06. And have a feast day or two in January. I think this would encourage more interpersonal communication, and would be better for our Democracy.

Of course, I am some guy pecking away on his blog, but then again, I have lots of good ideas. I think that doing this in an unofficial capacity would be much welcome. This can start by people having various events in early-mid November, and an event (or themed party) around January 10 and January 25, or something like that. And we can find some way to celebrate MLK's birthday, too, but make it festive, rather than listen to a bunch or boring speeches on diversity (which is perversity).

That would make the week from Christmas to New Years the "High Holidays" when all official business is put at a minimum, and the emphasis is on festivities (yes, "having fun") and on a constant stream of visitations.

As to our event? How about a mid-winter feast? To commemorate the good fortune we hope to have for the year? Sure, you do this on New Years, but that is more about banging post and getting drunk, and for a few losers, getting arrested.

I think this is a good idea, and I think it would be worthy of pushing people to think in these terms, and to do more.

Roger Bond - The Finale

There is more than one reason why blogs were invented.

Sure, they are useful for spitting out political commentary. And reporting news the media misses. And, chronicalling every day life.

There is another purpose, too. This string proves it.

There are far too many people who have no talent who publish their work online. And it kinda gets annoying. Because by reading it, it is quite obvious they have no talent. For example, check out the blog "Lonely Housewife." No, it is not a porno blog, but it would be more interesting if it were. I would provide a link, but I cannot find it. Anyway, you don't need to read such crap. Basically, it is a bunch of stupid poetry. There is a reason why no one reads poetry these days.

This string proves that I have zero talent as a screen writer. That is why I am typing away on a blog out in the boondocks somewhere is Washington State, rather than living somewhere in Los Angeles generating multi-million dollars in selling scripts that will never make it to the screen, much less become a movie. This also explains why I am not a member of the screen-writers guild.

I also found out there is a new series about James Bond at Eton. So, I was close about his aristocratic upbrining.

However, I will not let you all hanging, so I shall finish my thread.

Roger and James make it to Manchuria. Because he is so drunk, he gives the real plans to the Japanese army. They take over Manchuria. Oh yea - James meets Indiana Jones, too, who is on his way to Tibet to prevent Nazi's from stealing some secret, mystical ingredient from a bunch of hidden Aryans that will allow them to take over the world. At that point, the Indiana Jones theme song plays. Although the Nazi's were not in power in 1931, their nutty mystical side certainly led them to put faith in relics - The Indiana Jones Series is not entirely based upon fiction. Someday, I will write about the real Hitler, and the real Nazi's, too.

In any case, the Japanese take over Manchuria, thus leading their invasion of the rest of the Pacific ten years later. Roger Bond suddenly feels inspired to join the Great Proletarian Society over the border - James thinks it's because a trainload of cheap alcohol is heading to the Soviet Union.

Then, like a National Lampoon ending, it goes over the fate of all the characters. Good background music is Van Halen's "Good Enough" - inappropriate for 1931, but good for this feature. It will sound real tinny, due to the film quality. We know what happens to James and the Kennedy's. Roger eventually becomes the father of Vladimir Zhironovsky.

There, I will try again to stick to what I do best. Maybe I will bore you someday with my idea for a Scoobie Doo sequel - of what happens when Fred, Thelma, Daphne, Shaggy, and yes, Scoobie, all meet up, appropriately aged, in 2006.

The Adventures of Roger Bond and His Son James - Act V

When we last visited James Bond, we pretty much found out how he developed into the character he is today - a suave, never-aging man who does well "with the ladies" (as they probably would put it in the 1930's). However, he still had not found his father, but knows he is in some Speakeasy in Miami.

When he gets there, John shows him the speakeasy that is most popular there, O'Shaughnessey's. In they go.

James notices a figure, up by the bar, who is drinking quite a bit of whisky. To show everyone how good it tastes. It looks like his father. He goes up to him and states "Roger Bond, I presume?" Roger says, "How did you know my name?" James answers back "I am your son - Bond, James Bond."

Roger states "my, I didn't recognize you." James answers back "Because you dumped me off at Eton five years ago, and you have been too drunk to come back!" Roger asks "why are you not in Eton?" James goes thru the entire story. Both Frank and Neville show themselves to Roger, who, after a while, barely recognizes them - although that is because he is intoxicated, as usual.

James pulls Roger aside, and reminds him of his duty to renegotiate the loans with the partners at J.P. Morgan. Roger then states "James, you have been misled. I am supposed to deliver the faux plans to the Japanese, so they do not invade Manchuria." Both Frank and Neville, not wanting to reveal state secrets, do not correct him.

Instead, they have to figure a way out. John points out that his father has been carrying the plans whereever he goes. And he believes that his father is off to make another movie deal in Hollywood - err - to see his mistress Gloria in Hollywood. John knows something about the plans, because he saw them, but believes that are fake, too.

They need to hurry and get them, for time runs short. They go to the nearest airfield, in mechanic's gear. As airplanes are not cheap, it is well guarded. A gunfight breaks out, and several guards are disabled - after all, they do not have tommy guns. James runs into the hanger, grabs some keys. They he gets as much gas as possible, throws it aboard one of the smaller planes (that holds five people), and they all get aboard.

James tries one key. Then another. Then another. He is fumbling around, and finds the right key. He finally starts the plane, and the propeller gets going. Just in time, as more guards run toward the plane. James manages to get it off the ground, and races thru the night air.

Then James asks "does anyone know how to fly this thing?" No one does. James has to somehow manuever, and learn to steer. As the radio equipment at the airfield was destoyed, no one can tell about a stolen plane.

Amazingly, despite a bumpy ride, James quickly learns how to fly the thing. About four in the morning, when fuel runs low, he has to land, so picks a piece of highway in rural Florida. He initially does a nosedive, then forces the plane upright, and make a landing that frightens everyone aboard. And he refuels.

It goes this way continually for a long time. For whatever reason, James does not need sleep. And he keeps being able to refuel - until he runs out. By this time, however, he is very tired, and forgets to refuel.

Somewhere over Mississippi, he notices the plan sputtering. He suddenly reawakens, grabs control of the steering mechanism, but the plan keeps going down! He looks down, and sees a wide river. The Mississippi. He aims for the river, pulls up, and makes a large splash in the river. Fortunatelly, no one is injured - well, some have whiplash, but being tough guys, they all manage to ignore it, and their symptoms go away after a couple of days.

The plane begins to sink, and they have to get to shore. So James dives in the water. Suddenly a water moccasin comes up, does a hiss. James grabs it by the neck, and hurls it away. Another one comes up. And an alligator. James quickly gets back in the cabin, when several guns fire off an a nest of them (in the river).

Fortunately, while hiding away to grab a drink, Roger finds large bunch of rubber. It turns out to inflate. They all take turns, inflate the thing, and jump in the water, w/ the boat. About thirty seconds later, the plane sinks, but they manage to get away just in time (just like any adventure movie). Of course, everyone gets all there stuff off, which is their weapons and enough ammo to supply a whole army, and in Rogers case, enough booze for a small army.

They find someones truck, hotwire it, and then drive up to St. Louis. John states that his father's train will arrive there in a week. Since he is rich, he buys tickets for the train. And sure enough, the train comes into the station.

They travel aboard the train. John hears orders to come to the private car - as his father spotted him there. His father reads him the riot act. And orders him to bring the other four in.

So they go to his car. Joseph then orders his men to hold them hostage. And they attempt to gather them, at which point Frank and Neville pull out their tommy guns and shoot up the car. James has his pistol, ready to aim for protection. Somehow, Roger finds the dossier, and grabs it off of Joseph's desk. "Get them!" Joseph screams.

All four start running thru the train, Neville and Frank launching rounds with their tommy guns, and James firing as necessary. John follows his father. They are safe, until they get to the front of the train. At that point, they are met by a spray of bullets themselves. Since Neville and Frank are in the front, they get splattered with bullets. And die. James fires off two rounds, and shuts and locks the door. He runs, Roger stumbles, to the next car. James orders his father to disconnect the train. Roger disconnects the rear cars, and that rolls to a stop. James is befuddled, hears poinding on the doors of the car in front. He then disconnects his car from the rest of the train. The main train pulls ahead, and it is about 150 feet ahead by the time the doors open. At which time It is going too fast for the thugs to do anything - except to fire off some rounds. Both he and Roger jump off the train, which is somewhere near Denver.

James and Roger now walk toward Denver. They are soon met up by John. When they get to Denver, they decide to go to San Francisco. John dissuades them, however, because the father has communicated via telegraph to the authorities of the stolen plan, their route, and he suggests they go to another city. He buys them tickets to Seattle, instead. He then wishes James good luck with his career, and James wishes John good luck with his endeavors. Both will remember the adventures they had together, and maybe then can meet up again someday?

Roger and James go from Denver to Seattle without incident. They initially go to the waterfront, but notice that there appears to be heightened security for all boats going to the orient. They then go to the airfield, and the same story there.

In a cafe, they are discussing their options, when they notice that there is a seaplane port in a cove in a lake north of Seattle, in Kenmore. They get a taxi to this obscure location.

When they are there, they notice that there is a pilot waiting to take mail to Vancouver. James pulls out his gun, and orders that they take them instead of the mail. At which point he has no choice. They then fly to Vancouver, and they are able to board a ship there. However, James realizes there may be agents in Shanghai, so they buy tickets to Tokyo, instead.

Next time, adventures in the orient!

The Adventures of Roger Bond and His Son James - Act IV

In our last act, rather than go to the orient to foil Japanese plans to take over Manchuria, Roger Bond got on Joseph Kennedy's whisky ship and sailed for America. He became a marketing agent for Mr. Kennedy, Mr. Kennedy got the secret plans, and His Majesty's government sent his son James to America to find his father.

Upon arrival in America, James heads immediately to the stock exchange to look for Mr. Kennedy, as he suspects that Mr. Kennedy spends much of his day shorting stocks. Which is where he finds him, and which is what he was doing. He surreptipously (sp) follows Mr. Kennedy to his home, tagged along of course by Francis and Neville.

They merely knock on the door, and are greeted by Mr. Kennedy's son, John. James says "I'm James Bond, how do you do?" John takes them up to Mr. Kennedy's study.

James describes who he is, and that he needs to bring his father home, because his government needs him to help foil J.P. Morgan loans. Joseph lets out a big chuckle, wishing that were true, but knowing it was not. However, Joseph has discovered that he now has the best marketing agent ever working for him (since Roger is such an expert in the product), and does not want to lose Roger. Nor does Roger want to quit working, since he gets a lot of free samples of the product. Plus, Joseph wants to have "peace in our time" or something like that, and does not want to give away the secret plans.

Joseph decides to send James on a whirlwind tour of America. Well, of the speakeasies carrying his whisky. He orders his son John to show him around, since they are close in age.

So they go to the first speakeasy, in New York City. When asked for a drink, he looks at the drink menu, and decides to try a martini. "Shaken or stirred?" James states "It doesn't matter to me."

James then decides to look for his father. But he also sees all the attractive women there too. James decides he wants one of them. So he hits on one of them. Then another. Then another. Then another. It gets embarrasing, not only for Frank and Neville, but for John, too.

So John takes James aside and states "you ahre a disaster with wimen. You need to take lessins from me." James asks "but you are three years younger than me, what can you instruct me?" Well, plenty. As we know from history, John could teach many a man about how to pick up women.

So for the next five nights, John teaches James his techniques. Also to cut out his stupid introduction line "I'm James Bond, how do you do?" He asks James to think of another line.

Then Neville and Frank get anxious, for James is wasting precious time. Frank pulls out a .45, sticks it in James' face, and tells him that he needs to get Joseph to reveal his whereabouts. So James asks John to help him, and John takes him back home.

When they get to the Kennedy home, they go into Joseph's den. James, unsuavely, orders Joseph to tell him where his father Roger is located at, and to stop playing games. For Joseph, this is a hard habit to break, and would continue on as Ambassador, and throughout his childrens' careers. He merely laughs at him, and (lyingly) tells him he does not exactly know where Roger is. Which is difficult since Roger calls daily for status reports. Frank pulls out a .45, and Neville pulls out a Tommy gun (both easily purchased at the hardware store, which was easy before the passage of the 1930's gun-control act). He hears two click, and fearing oblivion, decides to talk.

He mentions that Roger is working some speakeasies in Atlanta, and will soon be heading to Florida. He gives him the location of each speakeasy, and his number. However, he needs to stop of at Kligore's lab in Pennsylvania, to pick something up, then go to Florida.

So they get on a train. Somewhere in Pennsylvania, they go to Kligore's lab. It is a dark, cold, and stormy night. Typical cliche. Thunder and lightening go off in the laboratory. They hear screams of "it's alive, it's alive."

Actually, Kligore is glad one of his plants in the hanging basket did not die. They ring the bell, giving off a bizzare sound. The butler answers the door, states "coooomeee innn..."

Kligore greets him. He gives John a secret package to give to his father. However, when walking thru the laboratory, which has wet, slick stuff on the floor, John has a slip-and-fall accident and injures his back. Kligore gives him something to drink to cure it, and John feels really really good for a while.

Kligore observes that James is really acting goofy. He tells James "you need to be more suave. Much, much more suave." He pulls out a test tube, which is bubbly, for James to drink. He does. James does not feel as ackward. Then he realizes that James needs some acrobatic skills, and gives him something else that is bubbly to drink. James gulps it, and feels much more agile. James asks if there is something that will make him more successful with women, too, but Kligore states that he just ran out of that substance.

John, James, Frank, and Neville all now get on the train to Florida. They go straight to Miami to make sure they meet Roger there. And they go to a speakeasy connected with John's father.

While there, James wants a drink. He decides on a martini. The bartender asks how he wants it. James states "it doesn't matter." At which point a gorgeous woman, in her early twenties, with a slight tan, blond hair, blue eyes, a perfect figure, states "it is better to have it shaken, not stirred." She introduces herself as Cotifiqua, a Cherokee princess (alright,the Cherokee were not in Florida, but follow this for the story line). She asks James' name, he goes "Bond, James Bond."

James takes a liking for her. He get excited! After a while, he has to excuse himself.

He asks John how he is doing. John says that he is following everything he taught him, not to worry, and he is doing quite well. James returns.

She asks James to "come home to my place." James quite naturally agrees. So they leave the speakeasy (followed closely by Neville, Frank, and John, albeit hidden.)

Cotifiqua and James engage in a night of passion. And they frolicke in the fountain in the back yard. Then more passion. All three watch with great interest. Then as James is about to depart, Cotifiqua states she needs to speak to James.

"I am a woman of great prophecy. I can predict that you will be a great hero. You will save the world, and mankind, several times over.

"What were in last night was the great fountain of youth. The thing of legends. You need to come back every year, and starting about age 30, you will maintain your youth for as long as you want it. For women, they maintain their youth from their 20's onward.

"Let me warn you, however, that there are side effects. Your hair and eyes could change color, and maybe your skin. And your body might change, too. It has for me."

James asks "so just how old are you?" She answers "I am 800 years old. (James is slighly surprised that his first time was with someone so old) I remember when the conquistidors came thru and decimated my people. Fortunately, the fountain of youth also cures against all infectuous diseases. However, only special people may use the fountain of youth, those who will ultimately save mankind. Those who seek ambition and power, and who go into the waters of the fountain, will seek an early, violent death."

At which point, John, Neville, and Frank, listening intently from a terrace above the fountain, suddenly fall in. And Cotifiqua proclaims "You three are no exceptions!"

She then states "So long James, and I hope to see you every year!" and she goes inside.

"Who was that?" Asks John. "Never mind" James states whistfully.

All three then decide to go back into Miami, so they can locate Roger Bond. And the next leg of our journey begins.

The Adventures of Roger Bond & his son James - Act III

In our last adventure, we learned that Roger Bond was given an assignment to fool the Japanese, so they would fail in their invasion of Manchuria. He picked up an assignment off of the bosses desk, and happily stumbled on his way.

Just one day after given his assignment, he made it to Liverpool, where the ship to take him to Shanghai was located. He had his baggage, his ticket, his dossier. Ready to go.

Then, he noticed a crate of his favorite rum rolling on by. As he likes to drink, he follows it, into the cargo hold, of a ship bound - for New York.

So he gets stuck on this ship, sailing for a long time. He survives on "liquid nourishment" - really, not much different than he is used to.

When he gets into New York, a middle age man, with round spectacles, "tips" one of the custom's inspectors. It turns out this is one of Joseph Kennedy's bootleg ships. He notices a man on board, and thinking he is a cop, has him brought back home, for questioning.

Roger, who is about as tight-lipped as a supermarket tabloid, tells Joseph everything. As Joseph has no interest in starting another world war (as proven by his efforts as British ambassador eight years later), decides to make him an official marketeer of his product to all those speakeasies in America. I.e., for Roger, the perfect job. Roger promptly forgets his mission, leaves the plans with Joseph, and starts his new career.

Meanwhile, back in London, the originators of the plan sit in the office, waiting for the new of the arrival in Shanghai. However, when the ship lands, there is no Roger. So where is he, they ask? One of the men comments that they cannot keep officials in every nook and cranny of the British empire, since it already controls 1/4 of the planet. After some questioning, after a fortnight it is reported by one of the British spies in America reports that he landed in New York, about one of Kennedy's ships (as Kennedy was prominent even then, he would be carefully watched). And now he is in Kennedy's employ, as the marketeer for his product.

No worry, they comment. After all, they got rid of one of the biggest blunder committer in world history (remember, he was responsible for the loss of Gallipoli). Besides, they can get another incompetent to do the task. Only they need to follow him closer.

Thus, they need to reconstruct the plans. Off of the original. So they grab the dossier off of the shelf, and low-and-behold, it is mentions "the Fake Plans". They have to go home and change immediately afterward, and the assistant head of the secret service has to be rushed to the hospital for major heart complications.

Now they have got to find Roger. They discuss who to appoint. No one they can trust. Then they realize that Roger has a son in Eton by the name of James. Maybe he can help.

At 17, James is not much of a success at Eton. He is far too interested in the opposite sex. Given his actions in all his movies, this is not surprising. What is surprising, however, is that he has zero success - like his Eton record.

Most embarrasing of all is the fact that he keeps on hitting on the daughters of all Eton employees (I don't know the proper wording, but using that for a lack of a better term). And he keeps striking out. The worst of all is that he recently tried to score with the daughter of the headmaster, which brings him into the headmaster's office - for a drubbing before the expulsion.

After having to put up with about ten hours of facing a very hostile headmaster, he is about to be read the expulsion order - when officials of the British government come, very rudely, into the office. "Get out!" he screams. "Sit yer bum down," they reply.

They then throw him out of his office, then lock the door. James introduces himself "I'm James Bond. Very glad to meet you." About a minute later, the headmaster is enraged, pounding on the door, to no avail. Which makes it difficult to state the mission.

However, they do succeed. They mention that his father, Roger, was sent to the United States on a mission to obtain debt forgiveness from the Great War. However, wiley J.P. Morgan officials conspired with a major criminal to kidnap him and hold him in a speakeasy. At which point James states that being held hostage in a speakeasy is paradise for his father. However, they intervene to mention that he in fact needs to get out of the speakeasy and accomplish the mission, for the glory (or the economy) of the British empire, is at stake. Plus, he is the person who can best identify his father, being his only son.

Realizing that he is about to be kicked out of Eton (although it had been at least five years since seeing his father), looking for some adventure, and maybe some "entertainment" from the notorious speakeasies, as well as promised admission to Oxford, James jumps at the chance to go. They then grab the headmaster, who is ordered to get James' things from his room and put it in the car, and they rush off to London.

While in London, James is thrown into a "spy" crash course. He is given a ticket to America. He is instructed to look for a Joseph Kennedy in New York, and find out where he can be located. He will be instructed by British officials in America, who will watch over him, and spring him from trouble. At which point he is instructed to get his father back to London. And, by the way, he needs to get the dossier from Mr. Kennedy, who, as a wily market manipulator, will use the information provided to conduct his raid against the pound, making huge profits. No mere American is to humiliate the mighty British pound, especially since it had just gone off the gold standard.

To make sure he gets to the right location, they have agents secretly trail him all the way across, and follow him across the Atlantic. Sure enough they are impressed that he can easily follow directions, unlike his father. And he stays sober the entire time, too, despite the fact that plenty of free booze is easily obtainable on the ship. And unlike his father, he has an amazing ability to keep his mouth shut about his mission, and can even make up an alibi. What is embarrasing is that his alibi, that he is trying to get the body of his dead mother who was killed as an innocent bystander in a shoot-out by rival bootleg gangs, is nothing more than a ruse to get all the young women of the ship to go to bed with him, but it is very embarrasing in that he is disastrous in every encounter, and they are horribly embarrased for him.

They finally get to America, and are ready to enjoin in the task at hand.

Roger Bond and His Son James - Act II

Since James Bond been the same age for 60 years, and his hair changes color, too (and he changes his looks) we need to explain how he got that way - in otherwords, a prelude. Since this is a popular Hollywood thing these days.

In the first part, we discovered how a Roger Bond - a relative of Winston Churchill - basically screwed up the battle of Gallipoli, hence lengthenthing "The Great War" which resulted in the beginning of the end for Western Civilization. For this act of munificence, he was given a desk job buried deep, deep away.

It it now 1931. He has been hacking away at some hidden location for fifteen years. Few people know where.

In the meantime, the British Empire is being threatened. That is because since is so huge, any action anywhere around the globe is a threat. They discovered that their ally, Japan, plans to take over Manchuria, as a prelude to taking over China. This could threaten India. Any threat to India is what drove many a British war in the 18th and 19th centuries. So why stop now?

This sounds like many a far fetched James Bond movie where some evil genius plans to do some action to take over the world. However, taking control of China is exactly what Japan had in mind. That is why it was so mad at Versailles.

The British can easily thwart this, and by keeping their friendship with Japan, by giving the Japanese the "secret routes of Manchuria." However, these "secret routes" lead into the Soviet Union, roads where they are easily exposed and can easily be picked off as invading forces. The British have created secret, underground laboratories somewhere (another Bond cliche) that create such electromagnetic forces that all instruments go whacko, do not work, and the invading force has no clue where it is at. Ok, this sounds really cheesy, but I have to think of something to get my story going.

The British War Department has also created plans as to the easiest way into Manchuria. All military staffs have plans for every conceivable war - the US had one against the British Empire in 1931, and probably still has one against Russia today.

Both these plans are sitting in files next to each other. One day, they bring in a couple of intelligence men (spies). One of them is that guy who is James Bond's boss in several of the movies - I forget his name.

They discuss their concern about Japanese plans to take over Manchuria - they even know about naming it Manchukuo (however it was spelled). While it is difficult for the Japanese to take over, they can easily do it if they have the right plans, or if they really have good intelligence about all operations (as the British Secret service believes they do not). However, to make sure they do not suceed, they need to give the Japanese the fake plans.

There are dire consequences mentioned. About how Japan could not only threaten India, but Australia, Burma, Indochina, the rest of the Pacific, the Soviet Union, even possibly invading the United States (all this happened, although the United States was only attacked in Alaska). They talk about secret Japanese attack method - the Kamikaze. At which point one of the intelligence men pipes us "So, do you think that someday, people will use airplanes to crash into the tallest buildings in New York City?" "Well, this will never happen against civilians, but the threats are very real."

They need to find some useless, incompetent bureaucrat to carry out the mission. They can only think of one man - Roger Bond. Sure, in case he gets killed, they have to explain it to his son in Eton, but he will probably understand that his father died for the glory of the King.

So they decide to locate him. That is the problem - he is so much forgotten, buried so far deep in the bowels of some bureacratic office in London, they may never locate him. Besides, he gets to do all the dumb, harmless tasks that no one else wants to touch, and stuff that can easily be explained as "bureaucratic inertia" as why stuff moves incredibly slowly. Not much work comes out of his office, so no one knows if he even comes to work anymore (but somehow paychecks keep coming to his residence).

After some time of searching, they find his office in a dark, dingy part of London. They open the door, and at first see nothing but mounds and mounds of paperwork in the inbox. Only a few letters in the outbox. Behind the desk, taking a swig from his flask, is the man, Roger Bond.

They ask him how he likes his job. He says that he would like more "action." They state that as members of the secret service, they can get him more "action." He jumps for joy, yells out "oh jolly jolly" (whatever upper class Englishmen scream out when they are excited), and they take him down to the secret service office.

While there, the plan is explained in detail. However, since he is known to be such a drunk, they do not tell him about the real mission. Instead, they tell him about how they wish to continue good relations with the Japanese, and would like to do joint military operations sometime. They want to send an emissary over with the letter. However, rather than give it to Emperor Hirohito, they would rather give it to the Japanese Military Attache (who really has power). Since he is such an upstanding (he he) member of the British hieriarchy, they would like him to carry the letter. Furthermore, they provide a steamer ticket to go to China. He thanks them very much, grabs a folder off of the desk, and leaves to go home to pack. After all, he has to look his very best as an official of the British government, and needs to bring his very best clothes. And he needs to shave, shower, etc. every day so he looks good. And he needs to be fully rested to be on his best behavior.

With that, we will move to the next act.

Now about James Bond

There is a new James Bond - Daniel Craig. And he is a blond Bond (as the media loves to say). "The Look" does set the tone, so hopefully, he will die his hair black for all his roles. Having a "blond Bond" kinda ruins the whole James Bond thing - as James Bond is no airhead.

James Bond is a very old character, at least as our society goes. Let me put it to you this way. John Kennedy liked the James Bond series - and I think he died shortly after the first movie. I said "James Bond series." You see, James Bond was the character of a set of books, the first of which was published in 1946.

So James Bond is almost 60 years old. Actually, he would be at least 90 years old, given his character is no younger than 30. So, how does he keep so young? What explains this series. I will tell you, in my idea for a movie. It is called:

The Adventures of Roger Bond
and his son James

THE BACKGROUND

Roger Bond is a member of the Malborough clan. You know, the one who produced Mr. Churchill, the one who lives in Blenheim. In fact, he is an unknown cousin of Mr. Churchill. Here is why.

He was working for Mr. Churchill in 1915. When Winston decided to do that Gallopi scheme. So he turned the plan over to his cousin Roger.

Roger, like Winston, has a weakness. For booze. And women too, except he likes his booze so much, he looks really stupid and turns off the ladies. He always carries a flask, or seven, around.

You know how the Bond movies often have some kind of historical scene? Well this one does, too. Except the movie would be filmed in the technology appropriate for the period. While this movie is filmed using 1931 movie technology, this act is filmed using 1915 movie technology. Without sound. Really bad film. And with scene interrupted for the sayings. It has that goofy music of the period, too.

While in Turkey, Winston has a plan that is foolproof. He tells Roger to give his plan to "General Burke." Roger, who is incredibly stupified, thinks he is to give the plans to "General Turk." While stumbling around, he thinks this (all this is in the words between the scenes). So he gives them to Mustafa Kemal. Winston sees this happening, picks up his revolver, and aims for Mr. Kemal's heart - which has a steel-covered Quran over it. It richochets, and they both flee. The Turks win the battle. The Sultan goes over to Mustafa, pats him on the shoulders, and says "Atta-Turk." Of course this is not how Gallipoli happened, but almost no one knows the real details, and makes for a great story.

Then comes that scene where James normally shoots someone, blood spurts, etc. Except this is done using - 1931 technology. And because Roger is so drunk, he cannot aim straight. Instead, he hits glass and stuff. And he has to run away from men using Tommy guns. He shoots, but cannot hit them (they cannot hit him, for whatever reason), and he also makes such bad shots that things fall out of the air - like ducks and stuff (making that quack-quack noise). This ruckus happens during the opening credits. Except he is called "002"

We get to 1931. Because of his disastrous accomplishments at Gallipoli (like Russia not getting supplies, Germany lasting three more years, the collapse of the French, British, German economies due to the cost of the war, the Russian Revolution) he has tucked very, very deeply into some obscure desk job. He was not executed, or court-martialled, well, because he is of that family. And here is where we leave off before I go into more of the story.

Has Teddy started drinking again? - Kennedy endorses Kerry

I just read that Teddy Kennedy has just endorsed John Kerry for 2008.

Which leads me to the title of this posting

He called Kerry an "able, gifted and talented political leader". While I disagree w/ Ted Kennedy, I think that desribed himself more than Kerry.

Remember, this is a Senator who has never introduced legislation in the national interest - at least the day of the election. Like my grade-school soccer career. I never got a goal, but several assists - but they do not count as goals anyway.

As I have reiterated before, Hillary is the best choice for Democrats in 2008. Not only does she stick with Democrats on almost all issues, but she has the best choice of beating Mr (or Ms) anonymous Republican. And she has introduced far more in the "national interest" than Senator Gigilo has - which resulted in the Republican landslide of 1994. But at least she has a better ability to introduce legislation as this clown, who, looks like a caricature of a president - according to my Democrat sister in law, circa September 2003.

How do I know she has a good shot of winning? Because Republicans sound just like Democrats did in 1980 when discussing Reagan. At least in tone. And if she gets the nomination, Republicans will sound like right-wing Deaniacs but without a Dean. With Kerry, they can focus on his positions, his issues, his accomplishments - whatever they are.

Kerry's argument is that he got the second-most-amount of votes in a presidential election ever. Those are not for votes - those are anti votes. The war was the big issue. And some of those anti-votes may (and probably will) pick a Republican next time if he gets it, since there is no war. With Hillary, I think she has a better chance of getting these votes.

So what else leads me to think Teddy is drinking again? He is introducing a split in the Democrat party, between the Kennedy wing - whatever is left of it - and the Clinton wing. And there are hints that Gore will run in 2008 (which he has no chance of winning, because of his conduct the day after the election. It really shows something when an individual makes Richard Nixon honorable). And who knows? The Deaniacs may throw someone in. A three-way race will lead to a big, ugly fight. And if no candidate gets a majority by the convention, that will look really bad on TV - as the convention is now pretty much a party for party workers. Maybe someone will reintroduce the 2/3 rule, to be really insane. This rule lead to some really big ugly fights between the various factions, and some interesting candidates coming out of the convention. There has been no real convention contest since 1948, and that was with the Republicans. The last big fight in a Democrat convention was in 1932 - I don't think even Teddy was born yet. If things get really bad, with neither Hillary or Kerry getting the votes, they may turn to a compromise (as they did in 1924) and pick a "conservative" Democrat - like Gary Condit.

So why am I writing as such, especially when I am a Republican? Of course I will vote for neither - I will vote for Republican X over these two, unless Republican X is a Islamofascistic Stalinist, which is extremely unlikely. I am writing this because I like to comment on politics, show my insight, and I know I have absolutely no influence anyway, since I am a guy who pecks away on a blog that almost no one reads.

Book Review - How Capitalism Saved America

People are often ungrateful. While capitalism has brough enormous wealth to nearly everyone in this country, people still think it is some kind of evil, exploitive system. They try to bend the rules to favor, well, themselves.

"How Capitalism Saved America," by Thomas DeLorenzo, explains just this. In his pamphlet, he describes, not how this economic system saved this country, but a very brief economic history of the US, from the perspective of a Capitalist. He outlines first how capitalism saved the earliest colonists from starvation. He further explains how the American Revolution was a capitalist revolution. Then, he devotes the rest of the book to the assualts on capitalism by it's two biggest enemies - the mercantilists, and the "anti-industry industry."

This is what most of the book is about. As I noted at the beginning, those who often are the biggest beneficieries under the capitalist system hate it the most - like entertainers and academics. It was capitalism that allowed for the vast expansion of the influence of the university. And it made entertainers much, much more wealthy than the rest of us, for entertainers used not to be so well off.

He focuses on the era of the so-called "robber barons," the depression era, and the energy crisis. He uses both micro-economic theory and macro-economic theory to show how the anti-capitilists have attempted to destroy the economy.

Much of the attack on economic systems stems from a lack of understanding of economic postulates. Almost all legitimate economists agree on the basics of micro-economic theory. There is very little room for dispute here. Where most economists disagree is over macro-economic theory. Hence, Keynesians, Classicalists, Moneterists, and all those people argue against one another. Those who are not economists might put themselves into one category or another, but then they lack a full knowledge of their own positions.

I will briefly focus on one story he tells, that of James J. Hill. Mr. Hill built the line between Minneapolis and Tacoma. He was the first transcontinental railroad builder who constructed his line without government subsidies. However, he did not go bankrupt, like the remaining lines who received subsidies did.

Capitalism does not let a society construct projects beyond their natural cost. Some people marvel in the fact that a transcontinental railway was constructed with such speed, essentially, seven years. However, to achieve this goal, there were several costs of which we are still paying. The rapid development of the Pacific coast did lead to environmental degradation, as any state-subsidized project would do (the Soviet Union was this on a massive scale). This is not the DeLorenzo argument, but that of Russell Kirk (who is, ironically, one of the founders of the modern conservtive movement). Los Angeles has essentially sucked the Colorado river dry, and the buffalo almost went extinct. In addition, the construction of the railways led to the rapid displacement of the tribal Indians. Rather than gradual assimiliation, like those on the eastern seaboard, those of the plains were forced, essentially at gunpoint, onto reservations (this is largely what westerns are about). So now the tribes are going to make a stink, and this will become a problem in the future. Mr. Hill did complete his line approximately fifteen years after the other lines, so there was no hurry. Although the construction of the other lines may have spured development, we could have waited a while to complete the lines. And the automobile and the steamship may have beat the construction of the other lines, anyway.

Back to the book. Mr. DeLorenzo does not take a 100% laisse-faire approach, as some people perceive it. He does recognize the need for minimal intervention - like to prevent fraud, for example. Instead, he attacks those who have no knowledge of capitalism, but who attack it anyway.

Mr. DeLorenzo is essentially a propagandist. To understand where he is coming from, one needs to read his other work, "The Real Lincoln." According to this book, Lincoln was a white seperatists whose wet dream was to establish a mercantilist state, and if he could have gotten away with it, would have made Stalin look like a nice guy.

This book is much more informative than his last book, however. As there is a constant attack on capitalism itself, this is a book I recommend everyone read. With the exception of libertarians - you guys have enough of your own propaganda to go thru. Most everyone else needs a dose of pure capitalism, since this system is what supports our style of living, and there is so much spite about our economic system, we need to learn to like it a bit better.

Book Review - 1912

This book, 1912, is a recent book promoted in either Time or Newsweek. It is about the campaign of 1912. Someday I will post the author. I picked this book because it was on special, and I like history.

This is one of the most important presidential campaigns. Unfortunately, the author does not go into detail why. He concludes with how the League led to the UN - but the League was not pushed until 1918, and would not have occurred had their not been WWI - which broke out 1 1/2 years into Wilson's presidency. Hence, no WWI, no League.

Instead, the author details the campaigns of Roosevelt, Wilson, Taft, and, Eugene Debs. Why he matters, I do not know. Sure he got 6%, but the author does not provide any political arithmatic as to how he influenced the election. Did he take away enough votes from Wilson and Roosevelt so Taft could win Utah (one of two states he won)? That is possibly this bozo's only importance in this election.

Instead, the book focuses on the egos of Teddy and Woodrow. Everyone who knows anything about history knows that Teddy essentially had an ego bigger than God. But it is interesting to find out that Woodrow, who was a buttmunch, was also a backstabbing ingrate. Whether this character flaw comes thru any of his biographies, I do not know, for all liberals-leftists-progressives essentially love Woodrow. One commentator in Seattle has the best comment about his - he was "a legend in his own mind." I am not really interested in Woodrow, because, well, he sucked.

Now, regarding Taft, all that can be said is that he pursued the election, which he may not have wanted, out of spite for Teddy. He wanted John Roberts' position, instead (which he got in 1921). It is believed that he would have lost in a Wilson-Taft contest, but this is a matter of dispute. For example, Wilson won Massachussetts because so many Republicans in 1912 voted for him rather than either Teddy (or their preference, Taft) because they did not want to see Teddy win.

In my first college history class, on our exams, we were to explain the significance of each subject. For a history book to be worthwhile, either a micro-story has to be told with a whole bunch of new sources, or the author, who reveals nothing new, has to give his conclusions as to the importance of his subject matter. This author did neither.

It is noted that 1912 essentially established the Democrats on the left of the spectrum, and established the Republicans as the conservative party. While it took 75 years to complete this, Taft put his conservative buddies in party positions, so that when the "progressives" came waddling back into the party, there was much less influence they could have asserted as previously.

Maybe this was the roots of the conservative movement? For a long time, historians assumed that the conservative attempts at taking over the Republican party were some kind of reactionary trend. However, it was not until recently that they have realized that conservatives are here to stay, in the party, and they are now beginning to figure out their true origins.

While the Democrats had a left wing candidate thrice before Wilson (excepting 1904), after 1912, the Democratic candidate would always be to the left of the Republican candidate - despite the dreams of that airhead, Harold Stassen.

Unfortunately, the author does not spend much time spelling out either of these conclusions, or any other conclusions, for that matter. Since he is not introducing anything new, he certainly is entitled to spell out his conclusions, and let his bias into the mix - so as to complete the lesson of the tale.

Recommendation? Unless you are a history buff, or you really really like the progressive era, I do not necessarily recommend this book.

Why no more comments are allowed

From now on, there will be no more comments allowed on this blog.

While I have allowed posts for relevant comments, it turns out that people are turning this into their ad spaces. Often for things not related to the subject matter at all. While I like comments, and welcome anyone who opposes me, and maybe insults me due to my posts, I am not here for someone to provide their ads on my blog, especially directions to their porno site (how they wanted to connect, I do not know). This blog is largely focused on cultural commentary, and if no one wants to make such relevant comments, then there is no need for a comment section here - they can advertize their porno sites on other blogs.

Thoughts about Book Reviews

On this blog, I shall write a lot of book reviews. That is because I read a lot. My focus is largely narrow - the books on my recent shelf are history (over 50%), biography, and current events/politics/other social sciences. The only books I have recently read outside these categories are the Harry Potter series (which will be commented upon when the next big Harry Potter event happens) and Dilbert/Dogbert books. I also have read two books on stocks, too, but I am not a market analysist, so I would not be giving a service if I commented on them.

When I do book reviews, I look toward the following: Timeliness, information, and interest. Sometimes, there is no interest - I am not going to comment on a book I am working on, "The Ancient Greeks" because there is no popular controversy here. If written about in a popular magazine, it is worth comment. If it was once controversial, like "The Education of Henry Adams," then it shall not be reviewed, because no one cares about the education of a man who died 85 years ago (actually, the book has much more to do with than mere education). Also, works by pundits and talk-show hosts are mostly garbage, left and right.

The most recent in the pundit category I have read are those by Michael Savage, Michael Medved, and Ann Coulter. Both Dr. Savage and Mr. Medved have quite a bit of scholarly background, before becoming talk-show hosts, so they have a lot of perspective to bring in. Ann Coulter is the Mencken of the dayh - only much better looking. And she excels in every quality over the Ann Coulter of the left, Jabba the Hut.

I do read left-wing books, sometimes, too. In order to get both sides of the story, you need to read both sides. This means both sides. Some people only read those sources of those with whom they disagree. After a while, they change positions. Sometimes they read sources of only people with whom they agree. After a while, they cannot argue.

The most recent leftist I read is by George McGovern. It was pretty bad. I do not recommend this book to anyone, at least if you are not on the right side of the spectrum. There are probably a lot more interesting books, if you are a leftist, to read than his very boring and self-congratulating piece of work. I do plan to write a review sometime on him, however, since I can make witty comments what he wrote. I think the review would be more interesting than the book.

This is because book reviews can be a great way to get out your point of view. In mid-19th century Russia, book reviews were enormously popular. Sometimes, they would be longer than the book itself! One man, Theodore (I think that is his first name) Belinsky was known for writing lots of them. He used literary techniques to attack something, and after that, one would understand his socialistic point of view. Unfortunately, he did not live a long life. He is the most famous literary critic - it would be a long, long time before another literary critic would arise who would use his role as a critic to turn it into an overall critique of society, although that man is an American (in a provincial town, Seattle), who is a conservative, who uses radio to get his point across, and who focuses on the fictional mediums of his day, which rather than books, is movies. He is Michael Medved. Like him or not, he is the Theodore Belinsky of this era. And it was a book about the depravity of movies that fully thrust him into the spotlight.

However, I generally do not watch movies. I recently read a headline that those of a slightly younger age group is fleeing the movies. I think that it is because it is very costly to make the kind of movies young adult males tend to like, which is action and adventure. This has always been the case, even long before movies. Besides humor, that is another of my favorite type of movies, but then again, I do not get to the movies much.

When I was young, I wanted to be a history professor. Unfortunately, I am barred from that profession - conservatives need not apply, even to grad school. Even without the MA, or PhD, I am probably capable to turning out good works of scholarship, if I had the time to do so. My current job has really taught me how to do this.

As a result, I got into a book fetish. One of the rooms of my house is a library. I have lots and lots of books - mostly history/social sciences. And, I take a long bus ride to work every day, so I get to read a lot. As such, I have something to comment on, so I will write book reviews on those books that meet the above-criterion.