Dodge Ram Trucks
As those of you who have read my blog know, I live in a small town outside Seattle. A long, long way outside of Seattle (almost as far from Seattle as one can be and still work there). If you have read my blog, you have a pretty good idea as to why I do not live in Seattle. But that is not the purpose of my post.
To get to my town, all roads are two-lane roads. The State Highway Department is going to widen it into a four-lane road (since my town is very nearly now a Seattle suburb). But in stages. They were going to make it a four lane road ten years ago, but the governor at the time took the money out of the budget to fund his socialist medicine proposal (which was eliminated thanks to Representative Mike Sherstad, the only Juanita graduate in our state legislature, indicating that Juanita graduates do great things).
Our road is so bad, that it made "Reader's Digest" worst roads of America list. That is because people keep dying on it. A former next door neighbor of mine, when I was a kid, died on this road - but that is because he was drunk from his birthday party and was going way too fast in his Porche. But he could have survived had the road been safer.
As such, this is one of the few roads where, oftentimes, the speed limit is actually too fast for the road. That is because you have a windy, very wet, crowded roadway, and any error will cause one to veer into the other lane and result in at least two deaths. When it is dry, it is safe to greatly exceed the speed limit, but when wet, or icy, or foggy, a different story. And, big critters, like deer, like to jump out onto the highway a lot. This will not kill you, but it will leave a big dent in your car, totalling it.
I use to not worry so much about this stuff. Then I got into insurance adjusting, and saw the horrors of bad driving. A few years of this job will make safe drivers out of almost anyone with a bit of sense.
There are a lot of people who realize that this is a hazardrous roadway, at least until they widen it. So they go a reasonable speed for the conditions.
However, some people do not like to go a reasonable speed. They are a. people in muscle cars, and b. people in pickup truck. While a lot of citizens in my town own pickup trucks, that is more due to a faux-rural ideal they are expressing, like "I wanna be a cowboy." However, cowboys do not buy pickup trucks that are way jacked up in the air. Just like the film writer of "Brokeback Mountain" mistinterpreted what is meant by cowboy (and no, I don't mean the sex scenes - I mean the fact that the men in that movie were really shepherds). To be a cowboy, you need to watch over cattle, and just because you wear a cowboy hat, drive a pickup, own a gun, listen to so-called "Country" music out of Nashville, and live out in the sticks does not qualify you to be one, no matter how much you fantacize about it.
Anyways, in my town, there are a lot of people who own pickup trucks that are jacked way into the sky. Their truck of choice is the Dodge Ram. And in my town, there are a lot of them.
Sometimes, they get really impatient. Even if you go the speed limit, they insist you go faster - even if conditions dictate against it. So they tailgate you.
Another thing they do - they put their brights on - all the time. The Washington State driving guide recommends you turn the high-beams off if there is traffic that is 250 feet away from you. Given my road is no longer a rural road - it has not been for about twenty years - it is now impractible to drive with your high beams on, because there is always traffic coming in the opposite direction. Not only is it impracticable, it is also very rude.
Yet, these people in these Dodge pickup trucks like to drive with their high-beams on all the time. Even if you are directly in front of them, at a stop light. Even if it is safe to go above the speed limit (they will still tailgate you). And not only that - they like to buy the brightest, most powerful lights, too. And they sometimes like to add a bunch of extra lights. When you are at a stop light, their lights are so powerful, it lights the whole inside of your car up - and bounces off of your windshield, creating a somewhat blinding effect.
Now, not only do they do this in Monroe. Once when I was coming into work in Seattle, I was being tailgated, by someone in a Dodge Ram Truck, who started flashing their high beams at me. Ever hear of Seattle traffic? It's pretty bad. And I come into work during normal working hours. In this case, you cannot go any faster, or get out of the way, because the cars in front will not let you. This guy was trying to get me out of the way even when I was stopped and had no where to go. And he was honking at me, too.
I have a theory as to why this is. Let me explain this to you. Get out a ruler. If you cannot find a full 12" ruler, that is ok, because you do not need one. In fact, if your ruler is less than half that, it is more than sufficient.
You can go up to the guy in the cab and measure the crotch. Actually, that is theoritical. No guy in their right mind is going to pull down his pants in broad day light. Well, maybe in Seattle proper that is not considered unacceptable behavior, but for the most part, this little experiment will yield little result.
And yes, even if all the men driving the Dodge Ram Trucks complied, that is what you would get - little results. Those men who like to drive big, souped up vehicles do so because they have small wee-wees. I'm not talking about the man who has a big pickup truck with a trailer behind it - or the man who has stuff constantly filling the bed of it his truck. I'm talking about the ones who drive big, gas guzzling pickups over any other vehicle for no apparent reason - for them, any vehicle will do, like for most people.
And not just any pickup. But for some reason, the Dodge Ram Pickup seems to be the official pickup of men with small dicks. Ever wonder why the theme of Dodge Pickups is "Heavy!"? That is because it is directed toward men who have fantasies of a woman reaching down into their crotch and exclaiming this word! Especially since such an expression is inaccurate and totally inappropriate.
I don't know why they choose the Dodge Ram over any other pickup - for example, those who drive Ford F350's or Chevy Silverado's do not seem to be (such) jackasses.
Maybe there should be a law that anyone who buys a Dodge Pickup truck needs to undergo a psychological assessment before given being given their license back. Actually, this seems like a good idea, but so many regulatory laws seem like a good idea because they appear to make a better society. The libertarians are right in that we cannot turn every prejudice (no matter how good) into law. We don't need more laws - we can merely idealize what society would be like with ways to sceen them out people like this. Unfortunately, we cannot throw every jerk in jail because they are a jerk.
I guess the moral of my story is - if you see a shiny new Dodge Ram Pickup, for your own safety, get out of the way, for behind you is a man very angry at society because of his miniature extremity.
To get to my town, all roads are two-lane roads. The State Highway Department is going to widen it into a four-lane road (since my town is very nearly now a Seattle suburb). But in stages. They were going to make it a four lane road ten years ago, but the governor at the time took the money out of the budget to fund his socialist medicine proposal (which was eliminated thanks to Representative Mike Sherstad, the only Juanita graduate in our state legislature, indicating that Juanita graduates do great things).
Our road is so bad, that it made "Reader's Digest" worst roads of America list. That is because people keep dying on it. A former next door neighbor of mine, when I was a kid, died on this road - but that is because he was drunk from his birthday party and was going way too fast in his Porche. But he could have survived had the road been safer.
As such, this is one of the few roads where, oftentimes, the speed limit is actually too fast for the road. That is because you have a windy, very wet, crowded roadway, and any error will cause one to veer into the other lane and result in at least two deaths. When it is dry, it is safe to greatly exceed the speed limit, but when wet, or icy, or foggy, a different story. And, big critters, like deer, like to jump out onto the highway a lot. This will not kill you, but it will leave a big dent in your car, totalling it.
I use to not worry so much about this stuff. Then I got into insurance adjusting, and saw the horrors of bad driving. A few years of this job will make safe drivers out of almost anyone with a bit of sense.
There are a lot of people who realize that this is a hazardrous roadway, at least until they widen it. So they go a reasonable speed for the conditions.
However, some people do not like to go a reasonable speed. They are a. people in muscle cars, and b. people in pickup truck. While a lot of citizens in my town own pickup trucks, that is more due to a faux-rural ideal they are expressing, like "I wanna be a cowboy." However, cowboys do not buy pickup trucks that are way jacked up in the air. Just like the film writer of "Brokeback Mountain" mistinterpreted what is meant by cowboy (and no, I don't mean the sex scenes - I mean the fact that the men in that movie were really shepherds). To be a cowboy, you need to watch over cattle, and just because you wear a cowboy hat, drive a pickup, own a gun, listen to so-called "Country" music out of Nashville, and live out in the sticks does not qualify you to be one, no matter how much you fantacize about it.
Anyways, in my town, there are a lot of people who own pickup trucks that are jacked way into the sky. Their truck of choice is the Dodge Ram. And in my town, there are a lot of them.
Sometimes, they get really impatient. Even if you go the speed limit, they insist you go faster - even if conditions dictate against it. So they tailgate you.
Another thing they do - they put their brights on - all the time. The Washington State driving guide recommends you turn the high-beams off if there is traffic that is 250 feet away from you. Given my road is no longer a rural road - it has not been for about twenty years - it is now impractible to drive with your high beams on, because there is always traffic coming in the opposite direction. Not only is it impracticable, it is also very rude.
Yet, these people in these Dodge pickup trucks like to drive with their high-beams on all the time. Even if you are directly in front of them, at a stop light. Even if it is safe to go above the speed limit (they will still tailgate you). And not only that - they like to buy the brightest, most powerful lights, too. And they sometimes like to add a bunch of extra lights. When you are at a stop light, their lights are so powerful, it lights the whole inside of your car up - and bounces off of your windshield, creating a somewhat blinding effect.
Now, not only do they do this in Monroe. Once when I was coming into work in Seattle, I was being tailgated, by someone in a Dodge Ram Truck, who started flashing their high beams at me. Ever hear of Seattle traffic? It's pretty bad. And I come into work during normal working hours. In this case, you cannot go any faster, or get out of the way, because the cars in front will not let you. This guy was trying to get me out of the way even when I was stopped and had no where to go. And he was honking at me, too.
I have a theory as to why this is. Let me explain this to you. Get out a ruler. If you cannot find a full 12" ruler, that is ok, because you do not need one. In fact, if your ruler is less than half that, it is more than sufficient.
You can go up to the guy in the cab and measure the crotch. Actually, that is theoritical. No guy in their right mind is going to pull down his pants in broad day light. Well, maybe in Seattle proper that is not considered unacceptable behavior, but for the most part, this little experiment will yield little result.
And yes, even if all the men driving the Dodge Ram Trucks complied, that is what you would get - little results. Those men who like to drive big, souped up vehicles do so because they have small wee-wees. I'm not talking about the man who has a big pickup truck with a trailer behind it - or the man who has stuff constantly filling the bed of it his truck. I'm talking about the ones who drive big, gas guzzling pickups over any other vehicle for no apparent reason - for them, any vehicle will do, like for most people.
And not just any pickup. But for some reason, the Dodge Ram Pickup seems to be the official pickup of men with small dicks. Ever wonder why the theme of Dodge Pickups is "Heavy!"? That is because it is directed toward men who have fantasies of a woman reaching down into their crotch and exclaiming this word! Especially since such an expression is inaccurate and totally inappropriate.
I don't know why they choose the Dodge Ram over any other pickup - for example, those who drive Ford F350's or Chevy Silverado's do not seem to be (such) jackasses.
Maybe there should be a law that anyone who buys a Dodge Pickup truck needs to undergo a psychological assessment before given being given their license back. Actually, this seems like a good idea, but so many regulatory laws seem like a good idea because they appear to make a better society. The libertarians are right in that we cannot turn every prejudice (no matter how good) into law. We don't need more laws - we can merely idealize what society would be like with ways to sceen them out people like this. Unfortunately, we cannot throw every jerk in jail because they are a jerk.
I guess the moral of my story is - if you see a shiny new Dodge Ram Pickup, for your own safety, get out of the way, for behind you is a man very angry at society because of his miniature extremity.
posted by EricMatthew at 10:57 PM
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