The Decline and Fall of the Columnist
Once Upon A Time, there were two sections of the front page of a newspaper. There was the front section with the hard news, and there was an Opinion section, with all those Op-Eds and Editorials. The Opinion section had several articles by several authors giving their opinion on something, because they were highly educated in public policy and had the luxury of going over the news all day, so they felt they were entitled to give their opinion on something.
The amazing thing is that people fawned over these opinion writers like what they said really mattered. You didn’t make up your mind on an issue until so-and-so opinion writer gave you a direction. And people would vote according to this way.
This is when the news was unified. It was a golden age for newspapermen. They could get on their typewriters and type something out, no matter how silly, and newspapers would publish it. And they would make pretty good incomes – at least six figures (in today’s money). People worshipped them. It was even better when they got word processing. Now they could correct their mistakes are go home earlier. Sure, there were “independent newspapers,” but those pests were usually run by people even loopier than they were.
Then, they didn’t live so happily ever after. For the evil internet came into being.
Actually, in the beginning, the internet was quite wonderful. They could get email from a long way away and get news more instantaneously. Only they had access to it, so no one else could really take away their monopoly.
However, people who could not suck up to publishers, or who were not in the mainstream of opinion (in the middle of leftwing opinion), quickly discovered that they could get their own opinions out thru email. It was especially easier with a listproc, or a bcc. Soon, people with almost no capital could send out ezines to several hundred, or thousand, of people they never met. I had one, called “The Revolutionary.” This is in fact how “The Drudge Report” started. Yet, while some astute newspapermen may have realized the potential threat (I had a few columnists subscribe to my ezine), it did not look all that serious, and they could live fat and happy.
That was before 1996. That is when people realized the potential of the World Wide Web.
At first, there was a so-called “digital divide” that separated out those who could afford internet access, and those that could not. Of course, today any smelly bum with a P.O. Box can get a library card (mostly to access dirty sites), so such a divide no longer materially exists – only those who do not want to get web access get it. The internet was the province or kooks, perverts, and computer geeks. Often, these three attributes would fit the same group of people. You got lots of sites with info about black helicopters – often linked to some porno site.
Yet the internet caught on very quickly. Everyone got on it. It was not only a way one could get their jollys, but you could shop, pay bills, and get legitimate opinion. And other things, too.
So every business got on the internet. Including newspapermen. I have already gone into this. But others did too, with sites like Townhall.com, Huffingtonpost.com, and whatever opinion suits your fancy. These sites are much more interesting to read that something from Marianne Means. I think this is when Helen Thomas became really mad and showed her ugly side – which all this time we thought that we were looking at her ugly side.
And I haven’t even touched on blogs yet.
Not that the opinion writers have anything special to say anymore. There is a glut of history majors, philosophy majors, political science majors, sociology majors, anthropology majors, etc., who would like cushy jobs as opinion writers, but ain’t getting any such jobs. In this category I only include the people who were serious about their majors – about 10%, not the other 90% who were smoking pot or drinking beer and chose an easy major just to graduate. And since they did not have the discipline of the newsroom, they do not churn out boring, colorless pieces that are required for opinion pages. Instead, whatever they write, no matter the political persuasion, is much more interesting than something that George Will churns out. In any case, the Walter Lippmans, Eleanor Roosevelts, H.L. Menken’s, Alsops, Edward Murrows, and others, cannot get away with what they once did.
And, they have lots of time to research, and the means to do so, too. Since many people cannot make a career of their major, they have to do something with it, so it becomes a hobby. They are just about as informed as a newspaperperson whose job consists of researching something, thinking about it, and putting it in writing. Often, there is much more content, since they can spell it out in several pages, not 250 words. Many jobs today consist of writing, writing, and writing, so they get plenty of training in this aspect as well.
This does not include the engineers and scientists who, on their own, developed a deep understanding of the issues, by spending their working hours on the internet, and writing. Any idiot can set up a website, and any idiot often spews his opinions. Yet, there are many, many, high quality websites out there with well thought-out opinion. The opinion page is not needed any more.
So, what could they get away with? Rather than describe it to you, I will bring back one of the most prominent columnists ever, Walter Lippman, and wake him from his grave. I will tell him to write an Op-Ed piece about what it was like “back in the day.”
Yesterday and Today
By Walter Lippman
After being gone for 40 years, I’m back. Sure this isn’t my writing style, but you remember how to write after being dead for over 30 years! Anywho, my writing seems to be that of a buttmunch, because I was one. So it’s really not worth reading.
In my day, I was the most important columnist in the whole wide world. People worshipped me. But that didn’t mean that beautiful women would drop on their knees, pull my pants down, and give me a blowjob. No one did that back then. Not even prostitutes.
The other day I went to the clothier to buy a new suit. I was ignored. I asked “do you know who I am?” That worked for me all the time in my day – people would scurry around like they would be fired if they did not accede to me wishes. Because they would be, because I am Walt Lippman. Instead, they looked at me like I’ve been dead for at least 30 years! Just because I have been doesn’t mean that the clothier can throw me out of the store. In my day, people would give me serious respect, because I was an important columnist.
There are way too many people publishing opinion pieces on computers these days. Only those who are highly educated should be able to publish opinions. Because that is how you have freedom of the press. You can’t have a bunch of yokels from little state university writing opinion pieces, on a computer no less, because they will misinform everyone. Only people like me really should write, because only we can understand the issues.
You see, I was way more important that you. In my day, I got to hang out with “da man.” Because everyone so worshipped me, it made him look important. Of course, being “da man” doesn’t mean that eventually one of your nutty great-grandsons will run for the Senate in Connecticut, but then again, in my day, the Republican party only admitted wealthy, educated people – no ordinary people were admitted then, like today.
The truth is, I am better than anyone reading this. You are a bunch of sheep who think that big business can be bad. That is how I started my career. By demanding that all private property be nationalized. I then became a so-called “conservative.” Then I decided I liked FDR, and became a liberal again. Because the conservatives mode of thought is way too immature.
For my parting thoughts, remember this – only newspapermen can publish opinions. You should not read anyone else. Because they are your social superiors.
Walter "Walt" Lippman
2006
I want to thank Mr. Lippman for contributing this piece to my blog. Unfortunately, he was unhappy it wouldn’t be committed to paper.
The amazing thing is that people fawned over these opinion writers like what they said really mattered. You didn’t make up your mind on an issue until so-and-so opinion writer gave you a direction. And people would vote according to this way.
This is when the news was unified. It was a golden age for newspapermen. They could get on their typewriters and type something out, no matter how silly, and newspapers would publish it. And they would make pretty good incomes – at least six figures (in today’s money). People worshipped them. It was even better when they got word processing. Now they could correct their mistakes are go home earlier. Sure, there were “independent newspapers,” but those pests were usually run by people even loopier than they were.
Then, they didn’t live so happily ever after. For the evil internet came into being.
Actually, in the beginning, the internet was quite wonderful. They could get email from a long way away and get news more instantaneously. Only they had access to it, so no one else could really take away their monopoly.
However, people who could not suck up to publishers, or who were not in the mainstream of opinion (in the middle of leftwing opinion), quickly discovered that they could get their own opinions out thru email. It was especially easier with a listproc, or a bcc. Soon, people with almost no capital could send out ezines to several hundred, or thousand, of people they never met. I had one, called “The Revolutionary.” This is in fact how “The Drudge Report” started. Yet, while some astute newspapermen may have realized the potential threat (I had a few columnists subscribe to my ezine), it did not look all that serious, and they could live fat and happy.
That was before 1996. That is when people realized the potential of the World Wide Web.
At first, there was a so-called “digital divide” that separated out those who could afford internet access, and those that could not. Of course, today any smelly bum with a P.O. Box can get a library card (mostly to access dirty sites), so such a divide no longer materially exists – only those who do not want to get web access get it. The internet was the province or kooks, perverts, and computer geeks. Often, these three attributes would fit the same group of people. You got lots of sites with info about black helicopters – often linked to some porno site.
Yet the internet caught on very quickly. Everyone got on it. It was not only a way one could get their jollys, but you could shop, pay bills, and get legitimate opinion. And other things, too.
So every business got on the internet. Including newspapermen. I have already gone into this. But others did too, with sites like Townhall.com, Huffingtonpost.com, and whatever opinion suits your fancy. These sites are much more interesting to read that something from Marianne Means. I think this is when Helen Thomas became really mad and showed her ugly side – which all this time we thought that we were looking at her ugly side.
And I haven’t even touched on blogs yet.
Not that the opinion writers have anything special to say anymore. There is a glut of history majors, philosophy majors, political science majors, sociology majors, anthropology majors, etc., who would like cushy jobs as opinion writers, but ain’t getting any such jobs. In this category I only include the people who were serious about their majors – about 10%, not the other 90% who were smoking pot or drinking beer and chose an easy major just to graduate. And since they did not have the discipline of the newsroom, they do not churn out boring, colorless pieces that are required for opinion pages. Instead, whatever they write, no matter the political persuasion, is much more interesting than something that George Will churns out. In any case, the Walter Lippmans, Eleanor Roosevelts, H.L. Menken’s, Alsops, Edward Murrows, and others, cannot get away with what they once did.
And, they have lots of time to research, and the means to do so, too. Since many people cannot make a career of their major, they have to do something with it, so it becomes a hobby. They are just about as informed as a newspaperperson whose job consists of researching something, thinking about it, and putting it in writing. Often, there is much more content, since they can spell it out in several pages, not 250 words. Many jobs today consist of writing, writing, and writing, so they get plenty of training in this aspect as well.
This does not include the engineers and scientists who, on their own, developed a deep understanding of the issues, by spending their working hours on the internet, and writing. Any idiot can set up a website, and any idiot often spews his opinions. Yet, there are many, many, high quality websites out there with well thought-out opinion. The opinion page is not needed any more.
So, what could they get away with? Rather than describe it to you, I will bring back one of the most prominent columnists ever, Walter Lippman, and wake him from his grave. I will tell him to write an Op-Ed piece about what it was like “back in the day.”
Yesterday and Today
By Walter Lippman
After being gone for 40 years, I’m back. Sure this isn’t my writing style, but you remember how to write after being dead for over 30 years! Anywho, my writing seems to be that of a buttmunch, because I was one. So it’s really not worth reading.
In my day, I was the most important columnist in the whole wide world. People worshipped me. But that didn’t mean that beautiful women would drop on their knees, pull my pants down, and give me a blowjob. No one did that back then. Not even prostitutes.
The other day I went to the clothier to buy a new suit. I was ignored. I asked “do you know who I am?” That worked for me all the time in my day – people would scurry around like they would be fired if they did not accede to me wishes. Because they would be, because I am Walt Lippman. Instead, they looked at me like I’ve been dead for at least 30 years! Just because I have been doesn’t mean that the clothier can throw me out of the store. In my day, people would give me serious respect, because I was an important columnist.
There are way too many people publishing opinion pieces on computers these days. Only those who are highly educated should be able to publish opinions. Because that is how you have freedom of the press. You can’t have a bunch of yokels from little state university writing opinion pieces, on a computer no less, because they will misinform everyone. Only people like me really should write, because only we can understand the issues.
You see, I was way more important that you. In my day, I got to hang out with “da man.” Because everyone so worshipped me, it made him look important. Of course, being “da man” doesn’t mean that eventually one of your nutty great-grandsons will run for the Senate in Connecticut, but then again, in my day, the Republican party only admitted wealthy, educated people – no ordinary people were admitted then, like today.
The truth is, I am better than anyone reading this. You are a bunch of sheep who think that big business can be bad. That is how I started my career. By demanding that all private property be nationalized. I then became a so-called “conservative.” Then I decided I liked FDR, and became a liberal again. Because the conservatives mode of thought is way too immature.
For my parting thoughts, remember this – only newspapermen can publish opinions. You should not read anyone else. Because they are your social superiors.
Walter "Walt" Lippman
2006
I want to thank Mr. Lippman for contributing this piece to my blog. Unfortunately, he was unhappy it wouldn’t be committed to paper.
posted by EricMatthew at 4:58 PM
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